happy married life

Love married Being Loved,
They gave birth to little possessiveness
He grew up fast,  smart,  strong
And killed both love n being loved


Religion a.k.a Prozium

After the world war 3, the survivors realized that mankind will not be able to survive another world war, and started searching for the root cause which lead humans to war. A disease was found out in every single human which they suspected as the reason for hatred anger and war, and it was the human emotions.

A drug was designed to be injected to a human at a particular time interval, which suppressed emotional feelings of a human and restricted his thoughts, which confined the freedom of his intellect, and the drug was called Prozium

This was the plot of a Hollywood movie, Equilibrium.

Injected into a baby before he/she had the first thoughts, dropped into the cage with rules written by someone, which no one dares to question and believe blindly without any doubts. The religion evolved to  Prozium of the humanity.

His three greatest weaknesses Fear, Desire and Hope were turned as the greatest weapons against him, and the only one who could unleash its powers was the one who was using it against him, and that was no one but  he himself.

Planted as a seed, budding along with his consciousness, its roots pervaded deep, much more than what his memories could see and became much stronger than what his heart could dream.

Slowly when most of the mankind was blinded and controlled by religion, few people felt there was something wrong with the system, this could not be the truth. They started looking towards the truth, and opened up their eyes to get a glimpse of reality, and they evolved into two groups. The first group continued their search for truth and tried to pass it on to others , bring more out of the blindness and they became the Philosophers. While the second group realized the boundless powers of religion and considered it as their magic wand which could control the blinded civilization, and they became the Religious leaders.

Most of the humanity, started following religious leaders, while a few sought for the knowledge of the philosophers. Humans never cared truth, rather they ignored reality, they ignored illusion too. All that mattered to them was shortcuts and easiness, and that was what religious leaders could offer in plenty adding hope which drove their desires , and they became stronger than the truth.

When the philosophers died, the leaders converted them into gods, created new religions on them and instilled more and more blindness into their hearts and minds which passed on to generations and spread ruthlessly than a plague. Eventually people forgot Gods, they forgot what their Gods said, all that they had was religion and the leaders.And the surface of the earth filled with civilization which gave away their unique and innate power to think, which made them superior to all other life forms.. to their leaders and the books they gave them.

We live a happy life, as the superior life form on the planet, injecting Prozium, and enjoying the comfort and safety it gives. And we are called  The Civilized Humans.

myself ?

who am i?

am i the one who loves ? or the one who is loved ?
the one who gives love ? or the one who seeks love ?
i live in you or you live in me ?
i see my reflection in you ?
or you are the reflection i see as myself ?
am i the subject ? or i am the theory ?
i was studying or i was being studied?
am i trying to escape ? or i am the one locking myself up ?
am i dying inside me ?  or i am the one who was born inside me ?
may be it is the confusion that i call as myself


Between many questions
Somewhere  it budded,
Blossomed with ecstasy
Scattered the fragrance around
Tempted the bees
Crushed by ignorance
Buried under ‘reality’
To those dreams
My empathy in silence

Paradox in the shade

“She was like a white flower, whose fragrance creased my cheeks but never kissed, the last line of a poem I wrote for myself. An unfinished melody, a rain which never drenched me, a kiss never touched my lips.
She was seductive , what attracted me towards her was something more than love, actually it was not love, nor it was hate towards life, i never hated my life, i loved it too.. maybe when life was my friend she was my lover. or when life was my wife, she was my extramarital affair, post marital and premarital. ”
This was what he said about death.
Death was never an emergency exit, or life was never a glass to be broken in case of emergency
Yet he loved her, while she was still scary for most of his friends, he was mesmerised. Yes he was selfish, when he loved her, yet he was not blinded.
He knew she was wiser than him, she would kiss him only when nothing in the world could compensate that kiss. Though the kiss was irresistible at times he just smiled at his dreams, but never searched for her.
I still remember the smile on his face, when he knew that she was near him, two eyes filled with excitement, when another ten eyes were looking him with worry and agony.Those ironic moments when agony and ecstasy rests in the same shade. I was wondering what was running in his mind at that time.
And when she left without a kiss, yet he was happy, he didn’t complain nor he was sad he was having the same smile, but the excitement was missing in his eyes. There was no dilemma between two loves, he loved both, but the way he defined it was different, though it was hard to understand, no one can feel the way you feel once you are in love. May be love was blind for the rest of the world.
Falling in love with something other than human was always a theme for poets, but he was never a poet, maybe he wrote only for her, maybe she made him a poet. May be their love is poetic. I too once fell in love but with a girl who was scared of her, but i never wrote poems for her, i gave her greeting cards which had poems, and she used to kiss me after reading them. A kiss in exchange for someone’s ideas, was she kissing me or the idea? But an idea can never be kissed touched or killed. Still her kiss was lovely. As the colours in the cards faded the colours of our love also faded. Her kiss never seemed as sweet as before.
He was smiling all the time, may be a smile to life, or may be a smile towards someone hiding behind she shades of life. He once told they were born together.
Life and death was on the opposite sides for me, like black and white. But when he smiles, I get confused instead of black and white I saw colours. When once I said about suicide, he used to tell “don’t use her, instead love her, she will care you”. But I never understood what he meant, how will death care someone? I loved my life, at times I hated it, at times I felt like running and hiding. Fickle human mind!
Once when I went to see him, wrapped in a white cloth, his eyes were closed, still he had a faint smile. He use to tell when he die, it will rain. But it was not raining at that time. May be the rain was in a place where he was with his love enjoying his long waited kiss. As the flame was enjoying their meal, my wife holds my palms tightly, unknowing of a love story buried inside those flames , whispering to me “Only death can separate us dear”


What is after death, പഠിക്കുന്ന കാലത്ത് ഒരുപാട് ആലോചിച്ച ഒരു ചോദ്യം  ആയിരുന്നു ഇത് .  ജീവിതം , മരണം. ജീവിച്ചു  ജീവിച്ചു തീരുമ്പോ മരിക്കുന്നു , ചിലര് ജീവിതം മടുക്കുമ്പോ മരിക്കുന്നു . പക്ഷെ ആര്ക്കും അറിയില്ല മരണം എന്താണെന്ന് , എന്നിട്ടും മരണത്തിൽ പ്രതീക്ഷ നട്ടു അവർ ജീവിതത്തിൽ നിന്ന് പടിയിറങ്ങി.  ഒന്നും അറിയഞ്ഞിട്ടും ഇത്ര പ്രതീക്ഷ തരുന്ന മറ്റൊന്നില്ലെന്ന് തോന്നുന്നു. ഒരു പക്ഷെ അത് പ്രതീക്ഷ അല്ലായിരിക്കാം
Death is an unconditional hope എന്ന് പറയുന്നതിൽ വലിയ തെറ്റൊന്നും ഇല്ലെന്നു തോന്നുന്നു

Search for a rainbow

it was the fragrance that pulled me, the one i was longing for so long and when it came i feel like alice in wonderland

the fragrance seemed to have color, a light violet color. Is it because it came from the violet flower? i dont know, all i know is i am enchanted . I could actually see the traces of color and its end moving like a snake,  no, many snakes moving up and down zig zag, front and back, some were even hissing at me. The front was also the same but instead of snakes they were fishes, group of fishes. they were moving competitively slow as if they were tripped. The centre was different it was like a huge banyan tree full of leaves
i was feeling tired , have been running behind the fragrance for long time, even time seemed to be enchanted. What? that means i have competitors? i cant be tired i have to be there before anyone, was waiting for this moment in all my dreams.
The ground bellow seemed to be too slippery. i could not see what was beneath me .
I had a lighter, did i take it? i slipped my hands to the pant pocket . got it! pressed my thumb on the lighter , as soon as the first spark came it shoot up from the lighter to the sky and burst into thousands of other sparks and lighted up the entire place. everything seemed to have a shade of red like a comic book of red and black. i looked down what was sticking on to my leg for long time, it was red in color. is it blood? or is the light making me feel its blood? slowly bent to touch it. i was a bit thicker than blood , i tasted it it was blood. Blood was spread all over the place like the ground is bleeding.
Snakes of fragrance did not let me to get confused with the blood and the light, they tightened the   grip and pulled me forward my legs were hardly touching the ground , blood was dripping from my leg like the thread of a kite flying freely , a red thread . Slowly the sky was turning dark. Sound of hundred trees  cracking made my ears bleed . I was wiping off the blood and looked up. It was the sound of the sky cracking open and through the cracks white arrows were shot at me. It also had huge sound. The fragrance was dragging me and moving fast. Few arrows pierced into fragrance . it started bleeding, violet fragrance with red design and the design was changing with the speed  .and the snakes were moving slowly but fishes has gained speed more speed . The fishes in the front were having hands on them hands with fingers and nails and each nail had a pair of eyes , some were blue some black. one finger was even putting kajal in the eyes.
Crack on the sky was slowly closing. there was no sound during closing. and it was sealed without even a scar left . A creaking sound came from behind, the moon was slide opened and there was a huge black hole behind it. 2 green eyes appeared inside the hole. it slowly started becoming small and small and smaller and faded away again the black hole was left behind. Suddenly water gushed from the hole. water started filling the place up and i was drowned till my neck but the snakes were not letting the grip on   me loose. they were holding me tight. real tight . water increased and increased it covered even the tallest tree. Suddenly the moon closed and water stopped . water level was decreasing much faster than it was before and the place became dry as it was in a few seconds. but once it dried the red color turned to green. Green trees green leaves green branches green grasses on the ground, i looked at the fragrance. the hands of the fishes were holding there eyes even the eyes on the nail were shut, all leaves  of the banyan tree was shed . and snakes were not moving but holding my hands.all the snakes were blue now. fragrance slowly moved to the ground its bleeding badly all the violet was fading now. its dying  . slowly the grip on my hands loosened. yes fragrance died  the one i was longing for in all my dreams .


I dont remember when i started looking at the mirror
or i dont know who i saw when i first looked at the mirror
may be i called the person i first saw in the mirror, myself
I still look at the mirror
but whom do i see
i dont see the same person each time
they are different
sometimes half me, sometimes three fourth me
sometimes none of me
the mirror smiles , mirror cries , mirror gets angry
at times the mirror even yells
but who is that
who is there inside the mirror?
is that the reflection of the mirror i see as myself?